"You're used to driving alone, right? You should remember this."

oh, how it's always so warm to feel loved.

even in the quiet of silence.

to choose and be chosen,

even beneath millions of impossibilities

to create fate instead of 

just sitting in absence.

Today I held in my tears while laughing with my clients;

I find grief to be funny; 

it creeps me out in the most random of time. 

right after I just finished laughing with my clients; 

in the quiet minutes after I took my late prayer; 

or in the rage I felt after getting too many revisions.

but then I think it's funny how I call it grief; 

when I'm not even sure what dies
and what lives. 

should it even be called that, then?

or maybe 

this aching feeling is not grief; 

just our fiery amber, fading

as if it was swept in by the wind.

as if it wasn't even allowed to burn in the first place.

aku tahu, pasti ada alasannya Tuhan ingin dengan cepat bertemu denganmu.

mungkin Ia ingin meminta pandangmu yang seluas angkasa, seperti layaknya aku yang seringkali mengganggumu.

atau mungkin, Ia tahu, dunia ini terlalu rumit untuk isi kepalamu yang sudah berbelit-belit.

Dyla, kepergianmu mematikan sebagian dari diriku.

Yang dahulu, seringkali hanya bisa dipenuhi olehmu.

 "bukan dipeluk, tapi ini cukup."

---

I think the cure to messy, chaotic head is another pair of ears eagerly listening to what it spew.

I think what we had that night was enough. Perfect.

Accompanied by our favorite dish, just the right amount of laughter, and slightly too much cursing.

Why is it that I always have too much fun whenever i'm with you?