it's like a never-ending roller coaster ride

"you're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no, you're in and you're out, you're wrong when it's right, it's black, it's white."

it's been a really, really hard 8 days for me (for us?). almost every night i wondered about my worth, my place, and where do we stand, above this groundless tread.

I gave up, a few times, i dysfunctioned (like i always do), i stood up and there you are, again.
I gave you so many chances, of course you don't know and of course this is not your fault either, none of this is.
I'm so sorry i don't know what i want, though i'm sure you don't know either,
we're both just as clueless.

Life happens, Ri, and things change,
i hope you're always brave enough to face everything,
including facing the truth, if it ever comes to hurting me.

welcome back home, Ri.
i still can't wait to see you, to hug and to smell your scent, to witness your prescence.

Terima kasih, Joaquin Phoenix dan Abang-abang Bebek!

sepiring nasi panas, di hadapan masing-masing,
dan dua potong bebek goreng kesukaanmu.
kita sama-sama tidak bisa berhenti bicara
kataku, aku kaku, melihat Joaquin Phoenix berlaga selama dua jam di hadapan kita.
katamu, berwarna sekali tahun ini, seperti Midsommar yang sebelas dua belas.

ini pertemuan kedua.
seharusnya, menjadi hutang bagiku.
terima kasih sudah memperkenalkanku pada malam hari yang cantik
walaupun berisik,
di kukusan.

terima kasih sudah memperkenalkanku, pada satu-satunya warung bebek
yang mampu diterima lidahmu -- meski tidak bersahabat dengan perutmu, dasar aneh.

atau tawa spontan yang pecah di antara kita,
saat topeng badut melintas di hiruk pikuk
jalanan yang kita sama-sama tidak tahu, apa namanya.