Hi, Lang.
It's been a while, ya.
Ternyata tidak mudah ya, membodohi perasaan masing-masing.
Aku pun sama sepertimu.

Dan lagi kita berkelit perihal waktu.
Di lain masa lagi mungkin, maksudmu?

To you, Z.

"Alita" only one word came up from my phone screen. I literally freaked out, when i found out that it was you who sent the message. "Ya, Z?" i couldn't even think properly.
"Ta, can i talk to you? Tapi agak maleman, i'm still in a meeting." my heart beats faster by then. I know where this conversation would lead us to.
"About what? I could if i'm still up. Just buzz me up later."
"There's something that bother me lately. Wait ya, ta :)"
Same here, Z, i felt the same too.

2 weeks before this was the last time we catch up with each other, those fun chit and chats.
And you disappeared just like that, gone with the wind.
I prayed to God since then. Prayed for you, every-fucking-single day.
And He listened to my prayers anyway. He granted my wishes.

"Ta, still up?'
"Sure."

Z is calling you...

and my hands trembled. I couldn't even feel my skin anymore.. I'm as nervous as i'd never been before.
To finally hear your voices through the phone.. I'd never even dreamt about this thing before for i knew this is impossible. But sometimes, miracles do exist, right?

"Hi, ta, gue ganggu, gak?"
I'd literally give up anything just to talk to you, Z. I just really miss your voice. Even if i could, i would hunt Xavier down and ask him to stop the whole world except mine and yours, just so we could talk in peace.


At first, it was hard for me to put myself together and talk normally to you. Especially when we talk about the things, silly silly things that has been going on between our relationship these past weeks. It's awkward i should admit.. But I could make it. We made it. We talked each other's heart out.

And, God, if this gift is given for only once in my lifetime, i'd remember every second of it.
The way he laughs, the way he sounds
even the way he breaths.

2 hours and 15 minutes of talking about movies, my favorite and yours. How we laughed about your Fulan and Ahmed joke when i told you a glimpse of Submarine. And how you explained thoroughly about The Goonies and i could just tell that you love that movie so much, by your excitement and your voice.

about music, our favorite ones. And how you used to be a manager for this high school band, how you filled up the silence with talking about all of your cds, cassettes, and records collection. We talked about The Trees and The Wild, how we accidentally have the same Rasuk record from them (jeez, even i could only name a few people who own that), how we laughed at how silly Remedy and Iga's fight is. And just how we went to the same concert, 6 years ago.

about art exhibition that you went to that i've been dying to come to. And of course about Gema Semesta, my favorite artist, that you happened to like too (this is getting weird. Really. Who the fuck knows Gema Semesta?). About darbotz, and other artists

about books. Have i told anyone lately that we share this same amount of admiration towards Ika Natassa? I love how we discussed about who should be Ruly and who should be Harris. And how we worried about the disappointment we'd get if the movie turned out crap. (dude, really, i love Antologi Rasa that much. THAT much.)

about Game of Thrones, of course. How i love it everytime you told me about your theories. About how Jon is possiby Meera's twin brother. How annoying Petyr Baelish was and how Ramsay would die in this season. I personally would grant the title of "game of thrones walking encyclopedia" to you.

and how we just talked about our lives.
Talked about how each other's feeling now.
About your ex,
about mine,
about how we both ended our relationship in a very-very shitty way.
About your distantophobic attitude.

I swear, i fucking swear, i'll remember all of these, Z.

all of these.

and how you told me,

how funny it is that

"We accidentally have so many things in common, Ta."

"Kapan balik ke Bogor lagi?" tanyaku, sambil menatap ke dalam matamu yang sedang memandangi atap di atas kita. "Mungkin masih lama." jawabmu datar. Kita sedang menghabiskan waktu di sebuah kedai kopi, malam itu. Bersama dua temanku yang baru saja kau kenali. Aku senang menghabiskan waktu denganmu... selalu membuat kita sama-sama lupa waktu.

Sore itu, pada akhirnya, aku menemanimu, menonton film kesukaanmu. Salah satu seri favoritmu, lebih tepatnya. Kukira, kau akan mengenakan kaos berwarna hitam--seperti biasanya. Tapi ternyata kali ini berbeda, kamu mengenakan kaos lengan penjang berwarna putih dan coklat... dan terlihat menawan--seperti biasanya. Oh iya, tidak lupa juga bandana serupa sapu tangan merahmu itu, yang selalu setia bergantung di saku belakang celanamu. Bahkan ketika bertamu ke rumahku, yang hanya berjarak 10 meter dari rumahmu, kamu tetap tidak lupa membawa si merahmu itu.

Aku tidak tahu apakah kamu selalu seperti ini? Sungguh... Aku sangat menikmati detik-detik yang aku lalui bersamamu. Candu. Tidak ada perdebatan-kemarahan-kekesalan, hanya tawa dan pembicaraan menyenangkan saja yang mengisi udara di sekeliling kita hari itu.

Kamu rumahku untuk pulang, pak menteri...
Aku akan selalu ingat caramu membuat siapapun tertawa dengan celotehan-celotehan bodohmu.

Apakah kamu selalu seperti ini? membiarkan siapa saja menghapus noda bekas makanan yang terjatuh di kaos putihmu, sangat teledor memang. Apakah kamu selalu membiarkan siapa saja mencandu tawamu yang mengadiksi itu? Matamu yang menyipit dan barisan behel yang menghiasi gigimu-aku tahu ini terdengar sangat bodoh-dan tentu saja, sepasang lesung di pipimu itu.

Apakah aku, rumahmu?

Tidak memiliki siapapun disaat kamu merasakan bahagia yang teramat sangat, rasanya sangat menyakitkan.
Kebahagiaan yang disimpan sendirian, ternyata juga menyiptakan keheningan di dalam aku.

Mungkin terlihat seperti aku baik-baik saja, dan dengan mudahnya mencinta.
Ya, aku memang baik-baik saja.
Aku cukup bodoh untuk memercayaimu malam itu,
Lebih dari cukup, bahkan, bodoh sekali.

Semua tentangmu, palsu, dan ku harap begitu saja melulu.

Tidak, aku tidak akan menguburmu dalam kebencian.
Aku menguburmu dalam semua ketidakpastian yang kau ciptakan sendiri.
Aku menguburmu dalam janji-janji yang sampai detik ini tidak sempat kau kau tepati.
Aku menguburmu, bersamaan dengan menderasnya hujan, semakin dalam.
Aku menguburmu, menginjak-injak kenangan tentangmu, berdansa dan tertawa bersama orang baru.

Pergi, dan tak usah menengok lagi.
Aku sudah merasa cukup, memilikimu sebentar saja.

Tak usah repot-repot berjalan kembali,
Aku sudah berhenti menatap ke arahmu.

 

and i solemnly swear to myself,

that there will come a day,

I will be brave enough to say what i always meant,

and to hold on to things i've always believed.

To fall in love without having to worry about anything;

weightlessly. aimlessly. cluelessly.

 

I will fall in love with someone that feels the same too;

we'll be holding hands, not everytime but only at times we want to

 we'll have midnight drivings, and short getaways,

accompanied with songs from emo bands, and of course, punks, yay!

 

We'll talk about our favorite bands,

well sometimes we'd argue about each other's favorite tracks

We'll argue about who sings better, Brendan or Jake?

and in the end, it'll always end up the same,

singing out loud to Modern Baseball's "The Weekend"

 

You'll nod your head and smile, while listening to me trying to sing some scream part

 I will be laughing too, everytime I hear you hum to every words from La Dispute

 

I will love you every night and day, through every glimpses and moments,

I will love you like you love Descendents,

and you will love me like I love The Story So Far.

 

Someday.

Hi, Mr. Emo Misty Grey.

          

               Then there came this day, when i sweated my hands and my palms, when the steps i took were puzzled, and my feet were shaken, my heart beats faster, just when I saw you right around the corner, at the tip of my eyes. You wore a shirt with white dots all over it, smiling as you walked towards me. You also brought a jacket, a black jacket to be exact, and being all cute when you laugh.
               God, how could i resist your scent? Though we sat in silence, enjoying Loreak on the screen, my mind couldn't stay silent. And my head spinning as i heard you laughed and laughed during the film. I would always remember the tiny pathway we walked, even only for a few minutes, the scent you left i'll always reminisce. Thank you for being here, and for replacing what's broken, Ned Stark Jr. I really am enjoying what we're doing right now.

14th of April 2016.

Happy super-very-late-belated birthday, 

emo boy that use :b instead of :p

here's a digitalized Descendents misty grey crewneck from me.

Cheers!

(P.S: Thank you for keeping up with my bullshits for these past week.)

"Anak Kota Hujan, masa kena hujan dikit aja demam. Kumaha atuh?"

hehehe.