10.9.14

sekelumit.





ini aku menuliskan tentang sesuatu yang aku tak tahu;
sepuluh september, lima belas menit sebelum hari baru.

aku sedang duduk dan menikmati suara layur yang mengcover sebuah lagu dari band favorit kita.

ya, the trees and the wild.
kita dahulu hanya dua cerita berlawanan yang tidak saling mengenal.
Terhempas ke arah satu sama lain secara tidak disengaja.

aku ingat, aku dulu tidak suka sama sekali dengan band ini.
namun caramu menceritakan mereka, walaupun aku tidak melihatmu kala itu, membuatku mengerti bahwa ada sesuatu yang lebih dari sekedar musik dibalik band ini.

singkat cerita,
kita tumbuh mencintai mereka bersama-sama.
konyol, masih ingatkah tentang impian membawa mereka ke kota hujan kita yang indah ini, bersama-sama?
walaupun masih belum terlaksana, dan aku yakin kamu lupa.

ingatkah saat kita terjaga, waktu itu pukul dua.
entah apa yang kau pikirkan saat itu; kita memang sangat berbeda. 4 tahun itu tidak dekat.

perbedaan itu ternyata tak mengganggu, apabila kita tidak mengganggapnya sebagai benalu.

aku ingat, ketika kita sama-sama mendukung tim sepakbola yang sama pula. 
Bangau Merah.
kita berdebat panjang tentang siapa yang harus mengisi posisi mana. permainan tolol mereka pada musim paceklik gol saat itu.

aku ingat, kamu seorang pemain drum,
yang memiliki cita-cita jadi gitaris. haha, kau sekonyol itu dulu.

aku ingat, dibalik sosokmu yang kuat dan tegar,
dibalik matamu yang memandang jauh dan tajam,
dibalik tawamu yang keras dan susah padam,




waktu itu pukul tiga pagi, vat.
dan aku tahu kamu hampir menangis;

biar Tuhan, dan Aku yang tahu mengapa.




-ini hanya cerita orang asing tentang orang asing lainnya-

4.9.14


I'm writing this 168 hours away from the night we spent together.
You know, that night, when you chose to come back and pick me up with your pathetic motorcycle?
I smiled everytime I remember why I chose not to ask you the reason why you come back.
It was raining so hard, and our home is about 11 kilometres away.
But you didn't complain about it
at all.

I smiled everytime I remember how you eat the fried rice, edaciously.
I smiled everytime I remember the way you glanced at me.

hey, I wonder if you felt the same
It was all perfect, wasn't it?
Even if i was soaked and wet
and was so close to catch a cold,
I still thanked god for that little time of our togetherness.

It was all perfect, wasn't it?
How we laugh helplessly
endlessly
to the jokes that only we could understand,
to the stupid thing we've done,
and we didn't do
back then.

It was all perfect, wasn't it?
the way we enjoyed every second alone, together

Hey, G, If God could grant me any wish that night
i'd ask him to give me the abillity to stop time
and be immortal with you.
To always reminisce the way you laugh,
or the way you talk,
or the way you felt guilty toward me,
or the way you lend me your jacket.

or maybe, the way that you will hurt me all over again?
that's alright.

Or maybe the very next day.
the day when we were standing side by side
talking about nothing
and everything
at once.
I remember the look on your face
how you did barely good on hiding your feeling
I knew, it was love.
I remember the look on your face
the way you rumble when everything went not as what you've planned
and how i laughed at how paranoid you were.

it's funny how we turned out knowing we loved each other as much,
but we still chose to part ways.

I still remember the day you chose to break the silence between us.
I wasn't expecting things to be as complicated as we are in, right now.


Hey, G.
Everything was perfect.
simply perfect.
if only we weren't that selfish.

It was all perfect,
until you come back.



22.8.14


I will shape myself into your pocket
Invisible, do what you want, do what you want
I will shrink and I will disappear
I will slip into the groove and cut me up, and cut me up
There's an empty space inside my heart
Where the weeds take root
And now I'll set you free
I'll set you free

Slowly we unfurl
As lotus flowers
'Cause all I want is the moon upon a stick
Just to see what if
Just to see what is
I can't kick your habit
Just to feed your fast ballooning head
Listen to your heart

We will shrink and be quiet as mice
While the cat is away; do what we want
Do what we want.

29.5.14

Sepatah kata untuk dua bola mata yang menghilang ketika tertawa.

Aku mau mencintaimu dengan sederhana.
Sesederhana tawa anak-anak di pematang senja,
Begitu lepas, bebas.

Aku mau mencintaimu dengan sederhana.
Sesederhana sebuah gerhana.
Kesabaran matahari dan bulan,
yang saling mencintai walau terpisahkan ketidak masuk akalan.

Aku mau mencintaimu dengan sederhana.
Sesederhana aksara.
Sesederhana satu dua dan tiga.

Aku mau mencintaimu dengan sederhana.

Aku ingin menjadi hayal dalam pikirmu.
Yang selalu menjadi benalu,
Mengakar hebat
dan menjalar dengan kuat.

Aku ingin menjadi wujud dalam kehampaanmu,
yang selalu kau agungkan
walau dalam ketiadaan.

Aku ingin menjadi nyata atas kebahagiaanmu
yang selalu membuatmu tersenyum,
walau dalam kesedihan yang meranum.




-Ad.

1.4.14

Being an Oh-So-Called Secret Admirer.

I bet you've heard and comprehence what a secret admirer is. And earlier today, i came to the realization of how hilarious one secret admirer can be. Living in the simplest happiness.
How can I say they have the simplest happiness?

Ever met someone and by admiring their existence, could make up your whole day?
Ever met someone and by hearing him talking to his friends, could make you smile for whole day?
Ever met someone and by him walking pass through you, could make your heart pumps and jumps out?
Ever met someone and by looking straight to his eyes, you died inside?
Ever met someone and by looking to his smile, could create butterflies riot inside your tummy?

It's about how you enjoy falling in love alone.
How you stare alone.
How you think of someone alone.
How you smile alone.
How you dream of someone alone.
How you pray for someone alone.

and how you do that  with pure sincerity;
you don't expect a feedback.

because you don't need to,

you fall in love alone.
There are always those things you wish you'd have,
those words you wish you'd say.
But even the smallest thing like "i don't want to hurt him"
can beat the biggest guts to spew those things.

Have you ever thought just how funny things turned out to be?
Like how can oneself forgets what the other remembers,
How can the sky looks so blue, but still you feel the bluest?
How can candies taste so sweet, but still left bitter taste in the end?
How can someone looks so okay in the daytime, but cry themselves to sleep?
How can the poor laughs louder than the rich?
How can you struggle for something so hard but end up in vain?

How can you love someone so much but end up destroying them?









-alt