A Late Letter from The Q Word #6

I finally watched "Jojo Rabbit" tonight.

The thing that's always hanging on my head when I watched it: 

"How does Taika managed to treat this piece like it was made by Wes Anderson? 

Minus the weird part, and overly placed pastel color."

Yes, I may not have said this loudly, I don't like Wes' treatment in his movies.

I always thought "Moonrise Kingdom" is boring, and is trying so hard,

maybe it's the old-soul Capri in me talking, but it's just me.

I couldn't get past over the first 5 minutes into "The Grand Budapest Hotel". 

It was too weird for me.

Well, what a weird thing to say from someone who enjoys Yorgos Lanthimos' 

work a little bit too much. Or perhaps i'm just too dark to see the beauty in pastel colors? 

I don't know. I like Jojo Rabbit though. Call it a Wes Anderson-ish movie but make it better.

See how this Q thing messed me up well in the head? I should've talked about Jojo, not Wes Anderson. Anyway,

I think it's no use to be so consumed with useless things.

Just a food for the thought.

A Late Letter from the Q word #5

I talked with Rama last night, talked HARD.

Lupa deh kapan terakhir kali ngobrol segini lamanya sama orang, kayaknya tahun lalu deh.

Gak janjian gak apa, tau-tau dia curhat aja gitu, telpon. I was up though since I need someone to accompany me working.

Kayaknya baru sekali ini kita telponan, setelah terakhir ngobrol panjang tahun lalu pas ketemuan. Sisanya ya paling chatan super panjang aja.

It's funny to think that I made a bestfriend through social media. Bahkan ketika kita sama-sama menguliti satu masalah ke masalah lainnya, TERLALU banyak kesamaan kita.

Dari dampak psikologis jadi anak ke-3 dari tiga bersaudara, kita yang sama-sama punya dua kakak laki-laki, kakak kita yang pertama sama-sama kuliah Hukum, kakak kita yang kedua sama-sama kuliah Ekonomi Pembangunan, kakak kita sama-sama ada yang bekerja di Bank yang sama melalui program yang sama pula. Rasanya mau muntah ketawa pas kita menemukan fakta-fakta ini.

Dan rasanya, kayak otak gue dibelah dua dan dibagi ke dua kepala. Cara kita yang sama banget ngadepin masalah di dalam hubungan, cara kita mandang orang lain.

Gue rasa penting deh buat menjaga kekaguman atas satu sama lain, gue yang kagum sama luasnya pengetahuan lo soal hal-hal yang sebenernya ga pentin-penting banget. Gue selalu kagum sama kemampuan lo ngehabisin banyak banget buku. Lo yang mau belajar banyak hal dari gue. Gue kagum banget, parah.

I really do wish this friendship will last forever Ram. You're my saving grace. Thank you for coming into and staying in my life! cheers.

*alexa, play Caution by Tiny Moving Parts, please!*

the worst thing is thinking I have been okay enough to face this, when in fact I've never been at all.

 the noblest thing I could do to myself right now; surrender.

"I watched you burn so fast, it scares me."

come visit my dreams,

if you have time.

but if you're busy making friends

with angels and demons,

please don't forget about me.

Ishaq Mahmudil Hakim.

I know you're fine now. 

I'll miss you so much here, see you later.

"to the narcissist i once loved."

"I know that you are pinning to see me contact you and admit that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me but I am sorry you no longer exist in my world. 

I'm sorry, you're no longer a part of my existence, 

I hope this hits you hard and it makes you realize that you're worth nothing. 

I am not the person I was, 

thank you for this transformation though I owe you nothing, not even hatred.

I am sorry you are the worst that could happen to anyone, 

because people like you don't change.

It was my bad luck that I loved such an ingrate human. 

I know that you're waiting for me to beg and plead to you 

to come back to my life but gone are the days when I used to think 

that happiness was always around you. 

Thank you for showing me that you are not worth anything.

Thank you for showing me that I'm strong enough to push you away.

It was silly of me trying to see you as my savior, 

when it was clear enough that you were the one 

digging daggers in my heart but I guess all is not lost. 

I am glad I found parts of me that gave me the will to live 

and not just exist after you left. 

I know that I loved you with every ounce of my heart 

but I also know that you were never worth anything. 

Good luck in finding solace for I know you never will. 

I hope you realize that you're the darkness that looms over people's future.

You talked of promises that you didn't bother to keep 

and you inflicted pain and never cared.

I am not regretting to have met you, 

I am disgusted by the thought of loving such monster.

People like you are always rendered alone 

and I hope what you made me go through comes back to you. 

The thing is I have learnt not to settle for anything 

that threatens my inner peace, 

I have learnt to put myself first and I gave up on you 

because you're worth nothing. Not even a penny.

Today I realize that losing you was my biggest win."